A friend of mine recently went from flying-by-the-seat-of-her-pants to booked-up-three-weeks-in-advance, when she got real with herself about her own vulnerability and shared it with her clients in an appropriate way.
Sound good? Want to know how you could do the same?
An amazing woman who could do anything…
Tamsyn has a relatively new business, that has really gone ahead in leaps and bounds since she founded it a couple of years ago. She empowers teens to get in touch with their true self and deeper purpose, so they can really shine in the world. One of the things that has probably contributed to Tamsyn’s success is her independent, go-getter nature. She’s the kind of person who can single-handedly run a business, raise three kids, and move house twice in three years by thinking “How can I do this? What needs to be done?”… and then doing it.
Although recently, she took on a new project, adjacent to her business, which offered incredible personal growth but had a big impact on her income. I was the first person she admitted this too. We were talking on the phone and she actually named the amount in her bank account that week. It wasn’t pretty. Any clients you can refer my way right now, she said, I’d be so grateful. I didn’t realise how big for her that statement was. My independent, go-getter friend was actually asking for help.
Just because you could, doesn’t mean you should.
If you have your own business, you are probably a bit of a go-getter yourself. But just because you could do it all yourself, doesn’t always mean you should.
In Stephen Covey’s classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he talks about how we mature in the journey from dependence to independence – but that it doesn’t stop there. The next step, he says, is interdependence. That means asking others for help, letting their strengths compensate our weaknesses.
So, if you are the independent go-getter type, you might want to ask yourself: Does your being independent ever get in the way of asking for help when you need it?
It turned out that in the next few weeks, I did have the opportunity to refer a few people to Tamsyn. And knowing how much she genuinely needed those clients, made me even happier to do it. I felt like I was helping her out (which I was), and it really felt good.
This particular good feeling can be a powerful force in your business.
When Tamsyn discovered that sharing her vulnerability with me made me more inclined to send clients to her, she got brave and started sharing her vulnerability with a few of her best clients. She let them know, with all sincerity, that her business relies solely on referrals from people who had already experienced the power of her work, and that it would mean so much to her if they could share what they had experienced with other people in their life who needed healing and transformation.
And when I last spoke to her, Tamsyn’s practice was booked up weeks in advance.
How to let your clients know that you are vulnerable
1. Well, the first step is to let yourself know you’re vulnerable. If you’re needy (which we all are), take some time to sit with your own needs. If you feel like you’ve had a lid on them, take it off and let in some air and some light. Unconscious neediness pushes people away. It is only conscious vulnerability – when you have softened your heart to your own needs – that allows others to soften their heart to you.
2. Look for love in the right places. No, Tamsyn didn’t blast her mailing list saying “I’m broke, can you book in for a session please?” But she put her whole heart and soul into her sessions (as she always does) and she felt her heart expanding with genuine gratitude for every client that she did have. Feeling her sincerity, and experiencing the power of her work, naturally some of her clients booked on for more. And it was these people, the ones who were obviously appreciating her, that she opened up too, and asked for help.
Like this, even when you’re in a tight spot – in fact, especially in a tight spot, you can give even a single client, even a single prospective client, the best of your work, and you can turn to those who have received your best work for help.
3. Finally, be willing to expose the simple truth of where you are. As a professional person, it’s scary to be this vulnerable, this open, in this much exposure with your clients, colleagues and “fans”. We’re conditioned to cover up our true neediness (especially financial), in case they might think we’re a loser and a failure. Yet they rarely do. If you’ve followed steps one and two, you’ll be approaching the right people with the right consciousness, and they’re more likely to feel honoured and inspired by you than anything else.
The point is: When you ask for help from a place of genuine need, you give other people the opportunity to be of service; to be helpful, to be useful, to contribute to your life. And that is not just a gift to yourself, it’s a gift to them.
If you liked this article, here’s two more on the topic:
My little secret: How to be yourself at work, without scaring off your clients.
http://soulbusiness.com.au/be-yourself/
Oops! Caught in the trap of being inauthentic… (again!)
http://soulbusiness.com.au/mystery/
And finally, of course, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever truthfully shared when you’re in a tight spot with clients or friends and asked for referrals? Would you ever do that in a million years 
? Or, do you have anything else to add?
14 Comments
Yollana – I definitely put myself in the go-getter, do it myself category of woman! I am learning to share my vulnerability with clients and friends and, as humbling as it can be, it connects me to people in surprising ways. I am learning that the ability to help someone you love and respect in a way that they need is a gift – I appreciate the opportunity to help when people ask and that is something I also point out to my clients (and it reminds me, too).
Thank you for sharing your wisdom -
Great article Yollana! So very true.
Susan
Mmmm! I really love this article. I think the big lesson of the month for me is to be vulnerable and brave enough to acknowledge that I need support and to ask it of others. This includes everything from being brave enough to ask folks about their greatest challenges, hopes, fears, and their honest opinion about ideas for starting over in my business to what you have described above with Tamsyn (which I have not done yet!). I do believe that in this long transition in my business (and life–our family has lived in three different states in the past two years, and will be moving again next year, hopefully for the last time) has made me so deeply grateful for each and every CD sale, healing session, or offering of harp, song & story that I think I’m offering my gifts from a more mature, more humble, more connective to what my clients truly want and need, and more grounded-in-who-I-honestly-am place, if that makes sense.
At this point, bringing myself to say: “Any clients you can refer my way right now, I’d be so grateful” or: “If you like my music, would you be willing to share it with others?” would force me to ‘grow up’ and embrace this very simple idea (kind of necessary to have in a business!) : that what I have to offer actually can touch and nourish the hearts of others in a way that truly makes a difference. Hm, radical thought
.
My point though is that in being vulnerable you are also actually stepping into a space of deeper maturity with what you offer, and a place of trust in who you are.
this was really good for me to read……. a do-it-myselfer from way back, it has taken me a couple days to reflect on your article and come up with 3 names of people to make myself vulnerable to…. but i did it!
i love your 3 steps to making yourself vulnerable! worth posting on a sticky somewhere…….. and your site/presence in general….. so soothing, like water on river rocks….. cool and flowing.
thanks for your spirit
Wow Krista, I’m very impressed that you took a few days to come up with people to ask for help…. that the article could spark such a deep process for you. Well done! (And I’d love to hear how you go with it, if you’d like to come back here and share – or send me an email).
And I really appreciate your comments about my site. Thank you!
Nona, Susan, Jane… Thank you so much for your comments! I thought I had replied and – yikes – I don’t know where my comment went.
Anyway, I so appreciate you guys showing up at my blog.
Jane, I love this point – I so get it. It’s amazing how we can take our greatest gifts for granted… OR we can get behind our business and shout it from the rooftops – “I have something to offer… it could make a difference in your life! I am so blessed and so proud to have this gift to share with the world!”
I think that for some, that holding back can come from not wanting to appear “selfish”, big-headed, tall poppy… But truly, if you have a gift – and you do – then why not own it! Share it! Be self-full, and then offer your full self, and let the world benefit from that offering.
Great article. I particularly valued the three steps you shared – making it so much easier to actually DO something about it rather than just saying “Oh that sounds good – I should do that.” Having this sort of blueprint also makes it feel safer to make that leap.
And you’re so right- there is this convention of being totally upbeat and “Oh yes – I’m doing well!” even, or perhaps especially, when we’re not. But for anyone who values authenticity, that just feels so icky.
I work with women who want a juicier life and I’m often talking about identifying your own needs and asking for help. Perhaps, if I want to be the best resource for my clients, showing MY vulnerability – letting them know when I need help – could be an amazingly powerful way of modelling just that. So thank-you for describing a path way for doing that with such clarity.
Yollana, I have to admit, I’ve never done this before. I’m too proud to do so. However, I agree with you. We need to know when and how to ask for help when we need it. Thanks for the reminder.
well….. interestingly, since i am just starting my business in its current incarnation, i offered the three people i thought of three free sessions with me and then i sent each of them an email after their first session asking a few questions and permission to use answers as testimonials! doing these free sessions has done big things for my business. first of all i offered them to past clients as a way of saying thank-you which really landed well on both ends…… i got to say thank you and they got to receive my gratitude…. anyway, the sessions have been sooooo amazing and i have more confidence than ever and having testimonials are a huge step in my business! after the sessions are over i intend to ask each one about making referals based on their experience with our work together.
so thanks yollana…… k
Thank you for this article. It really touches on so much being in business and in the healing world.
I see where sometimes my heart is sealed up tight and I come from a place of intense neediness.
Thanks!
xo
Greg
Hey Yollana,
Followed you here from Mark S. Site. I realize this was written in November but it’s April. Perhaps you will still stop by?
Fantastic article! Really. Vulnerability is key. Never heard anyone say it quite like you have. You wrote a vulnerable article about vulnerability. Good to sort of meet you!
Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel.
Oh my goodness, all you beautiful people wandered over to this post from The Business Oasis and I never saw your posts! (My blog has not been emailing me about comment updates. Hmmm… Must have a talk to it about that!)
So, belatedly:
@Helen, I am so glad this worked for you with the practical steps.
@Lexi, you know, pride is okay too. I actually believe there is a ‘right’ amount of exposure for each individual and each context, and that is very personal and, well, contextual. I’m glad if this article inspires people to consciously explore what that place is for them.
@Krista, wow! Thankyou so much for sharing how you put this into practice. What you shared feels really beautiful. How did asking for referrals go? How are you going with it all now? I must let Tamsyn know about the ripples that her little journey have created
@Greg, yes. Me too!
@Giuletta, yes! I’m here! Sorry I didn’t get here sooner. THis whole website has been in a kind of hiatus on account of new baby, Christmas, packing house, moving house, settling in, etc. I’m about to start things up again – slowly – both here and over at Heart of Business, so I look forward to connecting with you in both places.
Love you guys! Yollana
Yollana, I too have come from Heart of Business. This is a GREAT article. And some great comments too. And I was very touched by Jane’s comment:
that what I have to offer actually can touch and nourish the hearts of others in a way that truly makes a difference. Hm, radical thought
.
This is a big one for me. I really have to let in that the work I do does affect people’s lives. I’ve just come off a call where the client has been incredibly appreciative, turning her business around in 6 months, and going from taking a salary of nothing to $2000 in that time is pretty good! Then she told me about the amazing results her Dad is getting with his health, from things that I had talked to her about in a business context! But the real question here is, how willing am I to let this in? to say, Yes, I do work that impacts hugely on others’ hearts and souls.
So thank you Jane, and Yollana, I am off to the beach to do some letting in…
Yeehah! Let it in, Jane!
I’m celebrating all your wins with you… And that you have a beach to help you let it in. That’s really cool
Reminds me of a song that Deva Premal and Miten sing… “There is so much magnificence near the ocean. Waves are coming in, waves are coming in. Love is coming in. Hallellujah!”