Could fear of judgment be holding you back too?

delicate offeringHow amazing would it be to live in a world where you felt completely accepted, for exactly who you are?

Imagine if the love and acceptance you felt for yourself, and from others, allowed you to uncover and reveal the hidden strengths, talents and gifts that you’ve always known you had, but never been brave enough to really share with the world.

Imagine how amazing it would feel as you began to share your deeper gifts with the world, to find yourself living on purpose, inspired, flowing and powering forward.

This is a world that is being created right now.

… By people like Meg Worden with her recent blog post, and Kristin Noelle with just about everything she writes… And they’ve inspired me to finally break the long silence that’s been deepening here on my blog and to write this post to you.

I was inspired by their willingness to be authentic, vulnerable and to show up in service anyway. I feel that this is a quality that the world is needing at this time. Our hearts are thirsting for this – to see each others humanness, and to meet it with courage, openness and compassion. Together. Yet it doesn’t make it any less scary to do.

Why I’ve held myself back…

This is a vulnerable post for me for a couple of reasons. One, like Meg, it’s been a long time since I wrote. That’s just a little but embarrassing because one of the things we teach over at Heart of Business is that the most powerful thing you can do to be in service to folks through your website or business, is to show up. Like, Consistently. So my fear of being judged as not practising what I preach has had me avoiding writing this post for a while. And that, of course, has just deepened the silence. Ah well.

My fears were kind of silly now I think about it. Because I also teach that as business owners we each need to find our own way, and to choose the activities that work for us and are appropriate to our circumstances. Until quite recently, I have had no need or desire to grow my business, as looking after my current business coaching clients, managing our land, showing up in our community, parenting two small kids and supporting a husband engaged in full-time work plus study is – well, that’s kinda enough for me!

But that brings me to the other reason for writing to you now. And the other reason why writing this is vulnerable. Amidst all that outer activity, I feel like I’ve been in a kind of emotional and spiritual pressure cooker. And I’ve been uncovering deeper layers of myself, seeing freshly my path and my purpose, and hearing a new calling to share more of who I am with you, and with the world.

It’s time to release those fears…

Releasing my own fears of judgment has been an essential step in revealing more of who I am to myself and others… In my experience, true letting go only works in the context of love and forgiveness. So this week, as a way of consciously letting go, I wrote this letter of love, apology and forgiveness to my own self.

I share it with you now in case it inspires you to do the same.

My precious heart.

 

Your nature is love – pure, devotional, unlimited, unbounded and free.

 

Yet I have tried to limit you. Please forgive me.

 

I have tried to limit you because I thought that it was not safe to express your fullness, depth and wildness in the world.

 

I have tried to limit you because I thought that if others saw how deeply you love, how unconditionally you surrender, how completely without reason you abandon yourself to the guidance of the Great Mystery…. Well, I was afraid that they would fear you. They might fear your unstoppable power and unknowable depths. And in their fear they would judge you. Judge me. I was afraid I would be ostracized… and deemed not worthy of my place as mother, lover, friend, teacher….

 

In my fear I forgot that the source of Love and Fear is the One source. And it holds me in the deepest safety and sees beyond all judgment.

 

Oh, my precious heart. I was afraid that if I let the fullness of your light, love and magnificent intelligence shine in the world, that you would surely guide me to unspeakable joy and great worldly success. And I was afraid that this success would make others feel insecure and would cause them deep suffering.

 

In my fear I forgot that in your Light is inspiration, and in your Love is compassion – a bridge of safety for those who feel insecure.

 

Please forgive me, my heart, for all the burdens I have unconsciously placed around your neck. I release them all.

 

You are free to be and express your unlimited nature. Your love and your light is needed in the world now. I need it. And I am blessed by it.

 

Thank you. I love you.

 

Thank you for reading this.

Simply by your presence and attention, you really are helping to create the space of openness, honesty and deep compassion that allows old wounds to heal and new gifts to surface.

Of course, if fear of judgment is holding you back from living deeply in some way, of bringing your gifts to the world, it’s probably in a different way to me… But I wonder if you could relate to the feeling of what wrote?

If you would like to share your story here in the comments, or in a private email to me, I welcome you.

And I invite you to stay tuned to this blog and my email updates as I find my true voice and new way of sharing from my deeper heart.

Love Yollana

Comments

comments


7 Responses

  1. Yollana, so wonderful to “meet” your heart here. I can truly relate to feeling stopped in my flow by fear of judgement. Glad you’re back, and I’m resting into the reminder…
    Tracie Nichols recently posted..Raising our fiercely compassionate feminine

  2. Wendy says:

    as someone new to the concept of self-compassion (have plenty for others, just not myself) this was useful as a tool for just how I might go about giving myself a ‘good’ talking to. Thanks Yollana.

  3. Beautiful Yollana, inspiring and emotive. Resonating in my heart.

    Thank you!
    Sue Kearney (@Magnol recently posted..Weaving together the strands of my heart’s work

  4. yollana says:

    @Tracie, thank you.

    @Wendy, so glad that it was useful! (and a ‘good’ talking to! – that made me smile 🙂

    Love Yollana

  5. Thank you for sharing your personal yet relatable journey! Can’t wait to see the glow of your radiance shining from all the way over here in South Australia <3 Love Meg x o

  6. Tanja says:

    Wow, Yollana – this is such a beautiful, raw, personal post – thank you so much for sharing it.

    I love the idea of freeing my heart from the burdens I place on it around the expectations of others (and, indeed, my interpretations of their expectations, which isn’t always the same thing). Thank you for the reminder to stop, check in with myself and ask myself what’s really true for *me*.

    Blessings

    TANJA
    Tanja recently posted..The e-book has landed (this may be my shortest blog post EVER)

  7. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Thank you for opening this conversation Yollana. And for stepping out so honestly. Absolutely resonate with your letter. xo