Does your business make space for the rocks in your life?
Have you heard that story about the professor who fills a jar first with larger stones, then with pebbles, then sand? There’s various versions of it around on the internet, but here’s one to remind you:
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 5 centimeters in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?
They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognise that this is your life…
“The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
Anon.
The last few weeks have been incredibly intense here. I mentioned a few posts ago that I’m pregnant… And in addition to the usual exhaustion, nausea and constant hunger, I’ve faced the scare of threatened miscarriage, followed by minor surgery to protect the pregnancy, and post-operative migraines as the spinal anaesthetic wore off.
So, um, business… What’s that again?
This week I feel relatively normal for the first time in ages (hooray!)… And I’ve had some moments to reflect on what it all means for me and for Soul Business. To have to grind to a halt for a month or more, then pick up the pieces and re-evaluate.
I’ve learned some powerful lessons for Soul Business. And I suspect they might be helpful for you and your business too…
1. Remember the rocks. Like the story above, I need to remember what is most important to me in my life. These last months, quite clearly, my health and the health of my unborn child are paramount. As guilty and helpless as I felt about not being able to meet my business commitments (like writing my weekly blog article), it is clear to me that these things must come second to my health and wellbeing.
2. Give up the need to be consistent. One of the most fundamental – and also radical – principles of Soul Business is about giving up the need to be consistent. It comes from a phrase that Ghandi spoke as he transcended his inner need to follow the spoken and unspoken rules of society, to instead follow the deeper calling of his soul’s wisdom. And look where this wisdom led him… Sometimes, our sense of “should” gets in the way of what is possible. Part of being true to the rocks in your life is listening to your own soul, and being true to it’s calling… even when it is unconventional or unexpected.
3. Be realistic. As you follow the (“inconsistent”) twists and turns of the road of the soul, it’s important (if you’re running a business) to adjust your projects, goals and expectations accordingly. For me, this has meant taking stock of where I’m at now. Not last week, or last month. My pregnancy has meant that my work trajectory for the coming year has changed drastically. It was really useful for me to lay it out for myself, so I could get a clear picture of my capacity…. (I’ve got about five months left where I’ll be around for 10-15 hours a week for Soul Business (I still look after our two year old and manage other projects including our home). From October I’ll have maybe 2 hours a week for at least six months to a year, and eventually increasing again to about 10 hours a week from October 2010.) Being the primary carer for a newborn baby is not your usual business person’s schedule. But being real about the capacity I do have allows me to adjust my business plans appropriately. Watch this space for how I intend to use my time 
So. I hope that’s helpful for you too. Some questions for reflection, if you care to comment:
What are the rocks in your life? Where does your business fit?
Do you adjust your projects, goals and plans to follow the wisdom of your soul – or the other way around?
I look forward to your comments.
Comments
Oh yeah, I meant to say – my friend and mentor Mark Silver has had a similarly rough time this month… He wrote a beautiful post about it here: http://www.heartofbusiness.com/the-most-wearing-two-weeks-imaginable/ …It’s an inspiration for anyone else whose running a business and having life happen at the same time.
Yollana,
What a poignant reflection on your current business reality….
I struggle to adjust my business needs around the other big rocks in my life (husband, 2 young boys, friends and family)…. because I love business but also it is a lot easier to measure a tangible ‘output’ or result in business than it is to see the ‘output’ of spending time with family (or so I have thought).
Having said that, I just had the opportunity to experience for myself this afternoon the joy in being 100% present to my 15 month old… he wanted to take me on a walk…. and instead of pushing my timelines on him, I let him take me. And in is own way of nodding, gesturing and grunting, we had a fantastic conversation about the things we saw on our ‘adventure’.
Your lesson of giving up the need to be consistent is a very powerful one for me… thank you.
Congratulations on your pregnancy…. I hope you can now enjoy the process more.
Cat
Yollana,
There’s so much wisdom in this! Where in the world did we ever get the notion that we were machines who could work steadily and consistently 24/7?
Oh yeah, the industrial revolution and the military!
Never mind.
A couple insights I had as I read your article:
1. We may be the business owner but we can’t do it alone, we need systems, processes, and people to help us through the times when we can’t be fully present for our business.
2. Businesses are cyclical like everything else (actually I remember this from Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now). Businesses aren’t constantly growing, growing, growing. There are always down times, transition times…even times when it’s time for the business to end.
Thanks for reminding me to have some mercy for myself and my business.
Love to you
Judy
Yup! Just as I thought, you landed a good one here. the consistency/should piece can be especially strong in my mind. For the first time in literally years I missed a Wednesday deadline for my article- in the past when I’ve missed, we’ve used past articles to at least show up on Wednesdays.
Last week, nothing. We didn’t send out anything. It did go out Friday, and, you know, it’s okay. That’s what’s needed.
For me, one of the big rocks in my life is family. And, in the blog post you mentioned above so kindly, I reported how I found that one of my own big rocks is also holding my role as provider. Business is a big rock.
@Mark, Judy and Cat… Thanks so much for your very real and authentic replies. What a confirmation that we all struggle with the same basic stuff.
@Mark, yes… Reflecting on this article after I wrote it, I noticed how even in the writing I was “justifying” my absence to my clients and readers. Nothing wrong with that in itself, except it was only after I had written out all the huge stuff I’ve been going through that I begin to feel an easing of the “guilt” associated with my inner “shoulds”. As Judy so astutely pointed out – Where did I get the idea that I’m a 24/7 machine?
And, yes, for many people the Business is a very big rock. I notice that it has a slightly different place for me because I am not the sole provider in my family. This has various implications for me (some you might not even think of), but the bottom line is that it’s good to acknowledge what’s true for you… and that it is different for different people.
(Another area that I am exploring (and I’ll leave it for a later post) is the whole dilemma of being a woman and letting my husband be a man… and making space for my femininity without abandoning my business. Fun!)
@Judy, thanks. Your comments bring mercy and compassion for me too!
@Cat… Thanks for your brave sharing about the ‘output’ factor. It’s great to hear your voice here, and I appreciate you as a fellow traveller on the mamma/business path. I always find it funny how it feels to switch brain modes from hanging out – timelessly and “unproductively” (at least the productivity is unmeasurable… how do you measure love?) with the little magical thinking children, to the timelines and strategising of business. I reckon the back and forth from these modes must create some interesting neural pathways for us working mums, and perhaps some opportunities for unexpected creativity???
Hi Yo
You are a courageous trekker making this personally real trail evident and risking the standard business world crunch! And your posters say -yes that’s part of my life too, – so why hide it. I have had experience of knowing my soul voice- and of how to “hear/feel” its promptings on those twists and turns, and then following my head with the 9-5 (try 7-7) work career plus family demands. The result: I stopped being able to hear the soul voice, felt stolid and frozen. Reconnecting is a struggle- and still requires courage to stay in the present on a path less trod. But I think I lost a lot of a-liveness in the intervening years .